Tomorrow
by Ktime
Summary: Set after 4x08  Micheals' Death     ONE SHOT On how Stella attempts to deal with Michaels' death,    Includes all of the team      Better than the summary  Warning: Language


This a follow on from episode 4x08 after Micheal died

Please Enjoy

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><p>You're not sure how long you've been standing there for; the monitor that Michael was previously hooked up to has long since been switched off.<p>

But still you stand there, staring ahead, watching his parents sob in agony. You don't know how much time as passed when his parents reluctantly move from their sons' bedside. You offer them a sad smile; it comes out as more of grimace.

But still it was the polite thing to do.

Of course you're not sure when doing the 'polite' thing really mattered to you.

Maybe's it's because you're best friend just died.

Maybe you're trying to make up for all the bitchy things you said to him over the years.

You're not sure

And quite frankly, you don't really care.

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><p>You've always held onto your faith, it gave you something to believe in, and with a job like yours, you need that. So you place your faith in a magical figure, ignoring all logic, ignoring the fact that the life you lead, contradicts everything that religion teaches.<p>

Your attitude

Your sexuality

But you always managed to maintain your beliefs.

Until now

Because as you continue to stare at the lifeless form of Michael, one question crosses your mind

Where the fuck was god now?

How could he take away a man who meant so much to you, after all the belief you bestowed upon him. How could he take away someone who was doing everything he could to make the world a safer place.

A selfless man who devoted his life to helping others

A man who admittedly had the maturity of 17 year old sometimes

A man who was always there for her, even when she didn't want him to be

What gave him the right?

Who the fuck was he, to take Michael away from you?

You almost jump out of your skin when someone lightly touches your arm. You turn around, to see Shannon staring at you. You thought the rest of them team had left hours ago. You turn back to Michael's bed, only to realise it's no longer there. You wonder how long it's been since they took him away.

You wonder where they're taking him

What they're doing to him

Whether he's going to be buried or cremated

You are silently grateful when Shannon interrupts your train of thoughts.

"C'mon Stel" Shannon whispered as the guides you out of the room. It's not until you're almost at the car that you find your voice again.

"I need a drink" You force out as you pull out of Shannon's grasp, finally looking up at the team.

Your eyes are pleading

You need to drink

You don't need to drink alone

As they look into your broken eyes they seem to get the message because as the team nod their heads in agreement Lawson speaks up.

"How bout we head back to base get out this gear, pick Leon up and hit the pub, yeah?" He asks the team checking around for everyone's approval, and as he's met with nods he adds "Drinks are on me"

You see Lawson staring at you, so you offer him a weak nod. You think of the last thing he had said; and you can't help the smile that crawls upon your face, as you jump in the front of TR 2 next Josh.

"What's up?" Josh asks, and it's clear to you that he's noticed your changed facial expression.

"Lawson's buying the drinks" Stella said emotionlessly, Josh glanced at her quickly, before returning her small smile "Shit yeah he is"

You laugh

You don't know why

But suddenly you feel guilty

Suddenly you hate yourself

Because you shouldn't be laughing when Michael's not around

Because he's dead

And you're not

So you don't have the right to smile.

You look across to Josh, his eyes are filled with guilt, and that guilty feeling in your stomach doubles. Because you blamed him, you knew it wasn't his fault, but you blamed him anyway. You know you have to help him

Because his been through this before

Because you need him

Because despite the arguments and the many disagreements he's always there for you

As you **used **to be for him

Because it's times like this, that Michael would be there for you

But he's not now

And as you look at Josh you realise you need him just as much as he needs you

If not more

Because he's is one of your closest friends

And you can't afford to lose another friend

"Josh" You start "I'm so . . . I'm so fucking sorry"

He looks at you confused, so you continue "I knew it wasn't your fault, I know it's not your fault, I just . . . I didn't know what to do"

"Stel . . ." He tries to interrupt but you've started now, and you're not stopping

"God, he's such a dickhead, why the fuck did he get in that car?" You yell, starting to hyperventilate and it's only as Josh walks around to the other side of the car you realise that you've stopped. "Why was he so fucking stupid?" You scream as Josh pulls you out of the front seat onto the gutter. "What . . " you choke out "What the fuck was he thinking?" You voice had died down and you look up at Josh, begging for an answer.

He looks at you, desperately wanting to give you one

But he can't

Because he's been asking himself the same thing

You look up at him and see the guilt still swimming around in his eye's

And as much as you want to

You can't breakdown here

Because you know he can't handle it

Because you know he doesn't deserve that

"Hey look at me" You say staring at him, until he finally looks down at you "This, was not your fault, your hear me?"

"Stel . . . " He said looking at you shaking his head

"No" You interrupted him "This was not your fault, Josh c'mon, please don't, you didn't do this, this was not your fault, please don't blame yourself, I need you, and I need you to know, that no one blames you for this, so why the fuck are you blaming yourself?"

Josh just looks at her with a slight smile and nods meekly

You nod to yourself

You know he still feels guilty

He probably always will

But this is start

So you get up from the gutter, pulling him up with you "C'mon I need a drink"

And he nods

Because right now, that's the one thing that everyone can agree on

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><p>By the time they arrive at the station, the others are all changed; you notice the absence of Christian.<p>

Part of you is grateful

Because you're not sure you can handle listening to his false optimism and Jesus crap right now.

As you make your way into the locker room, you're interrupted by Charlie calling out to you  
>"Stella I need to talk to you" he demands "Now"<p>

You continue walking attempting to ignore him, you can't handle his shit right now. Unfortunately he doesn't seem to get the message as he grabs your arm "Hey"  
>You don't even think about it, but as soon as he touches you, you turn around and push him into the wall.<br>"Oi I know you're going through a bad time right now but you need to pull your head in" He yelled as he got back in your face

His persistence just makes you angrier and you attempt to walk off before you do something you'll seriously regret later. Your attempts are useless as he once again grabs your arm. But before you're able to react, Shannon and Kerry walk down the hallway

"What's this shit?" Kerry yells as you shake out of Charlies grip

Part of you is thankful that they showed up when they did

Part of you is pissed

Because right now it would be worth getting fired if it meant landing one good punch on that bastards face

Because suddenly the blame you had previously directed at Josh has returned.

But this time you don't feel guilty

Because right now blaming Charlie makes everything easier

Because if he hadn't fired Michael in the first place none of this shit would've happened

You saw the guilt in Josh's eyes, when you blamed him

You saw how much it killed him

But right now you really don't give a shit how about Charlie's feeling

You leave before Kerry can start questioning you as well. You continue to make your way to the locker room. You stare at Michael's old locker.

And suddenly all the built up emotions spill out at once, and the next thing you know, your fist is slamming into to the locker door.

Once, for Michaels own stupidity which resulted in him getting himself killed

Twice, for the bitch of an ex-girlfriend who screwed you over

Three-four, for the bullets that ripped through Michael's body

Five for the fucking Russians who messed everything up

Six for that bastard Col Raney who started this shit to begin with

As you line up for another shot you feel someone arms wrap around you, you don't attempt to pull out of their grasp, you're simply to exhausted, and you slowly begin to collapse to the floor. You see Shannon staring at you as she grasps your face with her hands, it's only then that you realise Lawson is the one with his arms wrapped around you. He lets you go and you fall into Shannon's' grasp.

And then you breakdown

You sob into your friend's chest

Desperately holding onto her shirt as the two of you lean against the locker that once belonged to your lost teammate

The entire team witness's your meltdown

But you don't care

Because if you're going to get through this, you need them

And it's only now that you realise this

You don't know how long you stay like this

But you're not moving anytime soon

It's only then you notice the throbbing in your hand, you look down to see the swollen bloody knuckles, immediately regretting your previous outburst. The next thing you know Leon is crouching down next to you holding and icepack on mutilated hand.

It's then that you look up at see the team is all still in the locker room, looking down at you.

In that moment you realise that you might be able to get through this.

You lost your best friends

You lost the person who meant the world to you

You lost your faith in everything

But as you look up at your team you realise you still have something to hold on to

You realise that with their help you can get through this

And for the first time that day

You think maybe you can get through this

Maybe you can make to tomorrow.

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><p>So yeah, it's not Beta'd so sorry about any speeling errors :)<p>

Please reveiw and let me know what you think :)


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